I self-diagnosed myself with autism over a year ago. After extensive research, and a self-diagnosis consultation with a clinician, I felt comfortable claiming the neuro-type of autism. But I still sometimes wondered if I was “autistic” enough to be clinically autistic, even though I resonated with the neuro-type.
Into this scene a new client entered, and told me that he had received an autism assessment that was covered by insurance. I didn’t know such a thing existed. I had thought all autism assessments would cost $1000 or more. So, I investigated. And I discovered that I could also get an autism assessment for $0. What?! So, I did. Just to have an outside clinician thoroughly look through the data and give me their conclusion.
My constellation of ADHD, giftedness, and high empathy makes autism diagnosis a little bit tricky. Do I have some autistic traits, am I clinically autistic? Through 2 interview sessions and a few online assessments, the psychologist waded through all the symptoms and experiences with me, and at last provided their conclusion…
I am indeed autistic, level 1, high masking. (Apparently the masking made diagnosis the most tricky, according to the psychologist.)
This wasn’t completely new information for me—I had also come to the same conclusion. However, hearing it from an assessor, it hit me like a ton of bricks: how much I have been holding my whole life. How much I have been compensating. How much effort it’s taken to make it this far in life successfully.
The psychologist recommended:
1. genetic testing for medical issues that are commonly co-occurring with autism
2. working on unmasking with a therapist
I told my doctor about the autism diagnosis this morning and requested genetic testing. But I am still sitting with the injunction to unmask. I’m curious how the idea of unmasking sits with you.
To me, that feels categorically unsafe and unwise. I’ve spent my life learning how to blend in when called for. It seems reckless to just abandon that. I already have enough social repercussions from my autistic traits. Why would I want to add to them?
What seems the wiser course to pursue, is to be fully me as much as I can. This is something I have been and will continue to do. To create more space for me to be unapologetically me. And to carve out more social spaces where I can be my full neurodivergent self.
And to that end, I would love to invite other neurodivergent folx to gather once or a month to have social space together that works for us. Connection that is based on content. Conversations that go deep. Special interest monologues. Jumping in when an idea enters your brain and you want to share it. Doing your own “parallel play” when you don’t want to converse. Just being together in a way that feels relaxing and exciting. If you’re interested, just let me know and we’ll find a time to meet.
What has your journey with neurodivergent diagnosis been like?
If you’ve received a diagnosis, what was that initial moment like for you? How has your relationship with it evolved over time?
What’s your relationship with unmasking—and what feels safe or wise for you?
Hi, I’m Catherine. I’m grateful to share this time and space with you.
I’m a counselor living on the Emerald Coast of Florida, on the unceded land of the Muscogee. I am a creative, mystic, and neurodiverse adventurer. I love writing, creating, and connecting.
I love helping folx Befriend Your Inner Critic, Become Your Own Best Friend, and reclaim your untamed soul.
Thank you for being here in this sacred space we get to co-create, as we come home to ourselves and enjoy the fruit of that self-belonging. I love hearing from you and walking alongside you on your journey.
My free gift to you: 3 steps to trust yourself.
With a full heart,
Catherine
Congratulations on the diagnosis.
You might find this helpful for unmasking: https://jadefarrington.substack.com/p/delving-into-the-complexity-of-unmasking
Hello, thank you for sharing your story. My son is autistic Level 1 without speech impairment. His dad shares a similar diagnosis to yours, and I can see the differences between someone who masks and someone who doesn’t.
In my experience, my son seems more authentically himself and less socially stressed, though his sensory system can still become overwhelmed. Masking, for my husband, appears taxing and exhausting in many ways.
I hope whatever you decide for yourself aligns with how you see yourself, not just how the world or society might expect you to be.